dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
