some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
