dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
