I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
