I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
