C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
