I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
