Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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