Say something about gay babies.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
