No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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