i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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