you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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