Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
