tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
