i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
