I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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