He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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