3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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