i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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