I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
