so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dignity is for republicans.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
