don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
