overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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