Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
last night I used snow as a chaser
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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