one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
