My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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