What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
be right there i have to get my cape
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
