Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I want is dick and wine.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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