he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize