Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
