I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
