how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
