And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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