hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
