I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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