I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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