I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
