Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
