watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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