I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
