Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You are the jesus of drinking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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