i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize