I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
