so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
