You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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