You're my little dorito
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
