God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I want is dick and wine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
