It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
