remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
