I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
