i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize