Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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