Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He felt like a one man threesome
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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