So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
