There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
