Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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