i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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