it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
