Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
