I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize