He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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