do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
