What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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