My liver just broke up with me...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize