FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
