Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
