the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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