Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
